Are you often feeling incredibly overwhelmed and bummed trying to balance everything all at once? Eating healthy, working out, cleaning, working on relationships, going to work, pets, taking care of kids, etc. Find yourself with a negative mental outlook?
You are far from the only one who feels this way. This is something that the majority of people face. You can feel better and more equipped to deal with everything at hand without feeling like you’re being buried alive. You first have to make the choice that something has to change.
I’ve been there where I felt unmotivated and unproductive everything was just going on around me and i was overwhelmed and not doing anything about it. The most important factor which is most often over looked is mental outlook. I truly believe the most important factor in controlling any aspect of your life is first controlling your mental outlook.
There are many different elements to mental outlook. In this post I will specifically be touching on trusting and loving yourself through positive self-talk.
Loving and trusting our self may not come naturally but it is something you can work towards through positive self-talk and self care. What you tell yourself becomes your beliefs.
Be Aware of Self-talk
Be aware of how you talk to yourself. Notice the kind of things that spark negative self-talk. Ask yourself why you feel the need to beat yourself up in this certain situation. For some reason we feel this need all too often. I think it’s a protection method; if I say it first nobody else will feel the need to point it out because I am already aware of the perceived issue. The other aspect of that is not focusing on what other people think, which we will touch on in a later post.
If you have been constantly putting yourself down, telling yourself that there’s no way you will be successful, you don’t deserve it, you are likely going to believe that. However if you begin to encourage yourself, tell yourself you are capable and can do anything that you decide and work towards, you will then start to believe that instead. Thoughts are habits and they can be changed. The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg is a great book that focuses on how habits are formed and how to change them.
- Notice your negative self-talk
- Ask yourself why you speak this way to yourself, what does it accomplish?
- Replace negative self-talk with positive uplifting talk. For example you forgot to put the garbage out on garbage day, you may find yourself saying “you’re so stupid, how do you keep forgetting, it’s not that hard”. First put an alarm in your phone weekly to remind you so you don’t have to depend on remembering on your own. Then switch that self-talk to “I just forgot, I was busy doing other things, I can bring the garbage to the dump, or wait an extra week- no big deal!”
Be kind to yourself
The old saying “Treat others how you would want to be treated” rings true in reverse as well.
Think about yourself as a friend. You likely would not talk to a friend in such a rude way as you do yourself. Likewise, you would not put up with a friend talking to you the way you talk to yourself, you would cut them out of your life and no longer be friends. So why do we allow it of ourselves? We shouldn’t and we need to stop accepting it. We have the option to change that self talk, and change the way we view ourselves.
Focus on the positive
If you have a supportive family, friends, significant other, they will be there for you and support you in whatever it is you want to do. Focus on the support, encouragement and love you receive from them.
We are bound to have days where we are feeling unmotivated, and lousy. But what helps me on those days is to love myself and allow myself some down time if I need it. Not beating myself up for binge watching TV in my onesie all morning. Hey, there are worse things I could be doing! Also focusing on everything you have and what you are grateful for will likely start to lift your spirits and lead to more motivation.
- Surround yourself with positive, kind people
- Allow yourself time to relax if you need it
- Focus on what makes you grateful, all the wonderful things you have (wonderful husband, great house, job, etc)
Think with logic not emotions
If there is something specific that I am feeling bummed about I remind myself it will pass. I ask myself will this matter in a week? Usually it won’t. One of my favourite things to remind myself is “I’m just learning; I’m doing the best I can”. A lot of the time we tend to allow ourselves to get overwhelmed and upset which just makes the issue seem way bigger than it truly is. Step away from the issue personally and emotionally and think about it very logically. Think of what advice you may give a friend in the same situation if you didn’t have an emotional connection. Then figure out what actions to take to fix the situation.
- Is this going to matter in a week? a month?
- “I’m just learning” We are all trying to figure out life as we go, we will never have everything figured out
- Disconnect from the situation emotionally and logically think of a solution
- Take action to improve the situation
The best way I found to help with these thoughts above is meditation and reading Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff.
Now instead of accepting the feeling of defeat, take action! Refer to the points above to help adjust your mental outlook on life and situations that arise; feel more prepared and able to handle what happens in your life. Don’t expect perfection, the goal is to be at peace with the changes, the struggles, the ups and down of life. Life would be awfully boring if everything was always the same, if you always knew exactly how and what would happen. You have to be able to accept the excitement in the midst of change and chaos, step back and view it positively, with logic, and with kindness towards your self.
I truly believe if you have the right mental outlook you can accomplish anything.
Leave a comment below letting us know if this helped, any other good self-help books on these topics and what you do to keep yourself in a healthy frame of mind!
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