The accomplishment of an aim or purpose is the definition of success.
So the variable here is the “aim or purpose” which varies from person to person.
What is success to you?
What makes you feel fulfilled & happy?
Maybe you are currently reaching towards what society tells you is success, money, prestige, fame, but does this make you feel fulfilled?
If you’re not feeling successful then you may need to reevaluate your priorities and figure out exactly what is most important to you.
Before making larger goals in life you must make sure that your most basic needs are met. This way you can focus on other things more thoroughly. One that is most important is ensuring you have enough sleep. This way you are awake and alert.
Related post: How to Get Better Sleep: Improve Your Quality of Sleep
Once you realize how you define success, here are the next steps you must take to reach it.
Priority is defined as a thing that is regarded as more important than another or the right to take precedence or to proceed before others.
Many of us go about our daily life doing things that are expected of us or we feel need to be done without really looking into what is a priority to us. When you decide on your priorities, then figure out why these are your priorities. Do they make you feel better physically or mentally, in what way does it reward you?
If it is not a priority to you you will not make the time to do things to get you there.
How to change your priorities:
Sit down and decide what are your priorities, take a journal and write down everything that is important to you, and then rank them from most important to less important. Start with the top of the list. Complete things that are associated with your top priority before moving on to the next.
- Mental health
Once you know your priorities you can spend more of your time working towards these priorities. The next step will be to deal with…
You always hear people say…
“I would love to do that if I had more time”
“I just can’t find time”
“some day I’ll find the time”
Maybe you are this person, constantly wishing for more time so you could do more of the things that are important to you.
The first thing you need to realize is that your time is yours, you can decide how to spend it. You can improve your life in a way that is important to you by spending time focusing on your priorities.
How to overcome time limitations:
Once you know your priorities, plan to spend more time doing these things. Spend less time doing things you know are unproductive such as watching TV or on your phone. Prioritize and ensure you are spending your time intentionally, focusing on what is on the top of your priority list.
Use your calendar in your phone to your advantage- plan time to work on the things that are important. Treat anything in your calendar like an appointment; you have to do it and cannot miss it. Set an alarm for important tasks so that you do not forget.
“We fear what could go wrong instead of focusing what could go right”
Why do we fear situations that are not dangerous? We fear judgment from others, failure, or change.
We fear judgment from others because we have always thrived on approval of others. Growing up, approval from our parents is how we learn and survive. This is why most of us are dependant on judgement from others.
We fear change because we are set in our ways. Even if our ways make us uncomfortable or we wish things were different, often we are unwilling to make the changes required for the difference.
How to overcome fear:
Write down what it is that makes you uneasy- whether that is failure, judgment, or change. Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen specifically, pinpoint what it is that you are afraid of. For example, is your fear of failure related to judgment from others, loss of time or money, etc. Often our mind makes things a bigger issue than they truly are.
When you write it down it makes it more manageable and minimizes the fear.
Once you figure out your specific fear, remember we are meant to have fear for protection, if your fear is centred on something that is not dangerous, it is not justified. Write down the outcome from having to deal with this perceived fear. Having to admit “failure” to others is likely related to embarrassment. This relates back to letting go of what other people think- so focus on this specifically.
Letting go of what other people think will free you from the fear of judgment, I think this is where a lot of the fear of failure comes from as well, having to admit failure to people if it doesn’t go the way you wanted. Build your self-worth, and realize that you cannot control the thoughts of others, there will always be people who think negatively about you no matter what you do. Those other people’s negative thoughts are for them to deal with, not you.
We fear change because it is the unknown. Even if we are not happy with our current situation we are familiar with it and have learnt to deal with it. You have to learn that change can be good, it will take work but it will get you to where you want to be. If you figure change is your fear of making the change, then focus specifically on accepting change.
We hope for things to happen, we wish for things to be different but a lot of the time we do not take action towards making the change.
Nobody else can do this for you, it’s going to be work, and it’s going to be work YOU have to do. You are responsible for your own life, to pursue and achieve your goals and dreams.
Related post: How to Get Motivated
How to accept responsibility:
Come to realize nobody has your priorities in mind as much as you do, nobody can do these things for you, and nobody will. Decide that this is something that is worth working for and worth committing to and doing it.
You may have an initial disadvantage because of the assumptions and beliefs you have been taught, but your life is yours from here on out. You can decide to change these beliefs, and reprogram your brain to make different associations, or change your habits to those that are more conducive of success.
Associations & Beliefs
You are taught your whole life how to think, how to act, how to associate certain things. You are conditioned to believe certain things are too hard, are not realistic expectations, or that you should fear the unknown. Also, you are trained to believe certain things about your self, about how people are, or how life is or should be.
Everything has an association: words, actions, body language, facial expressions, etc.
In some aspects these learned associations can be harmful instead of beneficial. You can work towards reconditioning your brain to program positive associations instead.
How to change assumptions or beliefs:
Get in tune to your current thought patterns, and associations. Figure out these associations, be aware and interrupt them when they happen.
Have a plan in place for when you recognize these negative associations. For example if you know that you regularly associate taking care of yourself with selfishness & guilt then when you notice your brain making this association plan to instead associate taking care of yourself with happiness and a healthy mental state. In turn self-care will positively affect everyone around you as well.
Some of us experience one “failure”(what we perceive as a failure) and call it quits. Most people who are successful have had to try time and time again. They must adjust their strategies to get the results they want. Sure, some people find the right strategy the first time but most of the time trial and error precedes success. These successful people take their “failures” and use them as a learning experience.
How to persevere:
Do not allow “failure” to discourage you, view this experience as a learning opportunity; you now know that this technique does not work or at least does not work for you. Adjust your strategy accordingly and try again. This may take many tries and a lot of time. If you continue to persevere you will eventually find the correct strategy and get the results you want.
Prioritize, spend your time accordingly, pinpoint your fear, accept responsibility, reprogram your thoughts and actions to align with success, and persevere. Success is out there you just have to make the above adjustments to your life & you will be able to get there.
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